


is it enough?

by rawrbaraminerva



Category: Wonder Woman (Movies - Jenkins), Wonder Woman - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Past Diana (Wonder Woman)/Steve Trevor, anyway i love wondercheetah, i am in pain <3, the major character death isn’t explicit or anything just so you know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-13 14:07:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28654713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rawrbaraminerva/pseuds/rawrbaraminerva
Summary: In some marvelous way, Diana was both endeared and pained that she got to watch Barbara grow old.
Relationships: Diana (Wonder Woman)/Barbara Minerva
Comments: 27
Kudos: 120





	is it enough?

It hurt to watch.

In some marvelous way, Diana was both endeared and pained that she got to watch Barbara grow old. 

Diana loved how some things never changed no matter how many years she spent with Barbara.

Barbara had always stuttered on her words and talked too quickly and fidgeted with her glasses when she got nervous. Diana would compliment her and she would immediately start adjusting her perfectly straight glasses and laughing out of disbelief the same way she did decades ago when they had met. Barbara still geeked out over science, her job, and everything, really, and Diana loved hearing her ramble on about all sorts of different topics after spending all night reading books.

But at the same time so many things remained the same, so many things changed.

Barbara had not noticed the grey in her hair until she caught Diana staring at it one day. She had asked what Diana was looking at and, upon Diana giving her no answer, she wandered to the bathroom to look for herself. She looked in the mirror of their bathroom and walked back to the kitchen with the most horrified look on her face. She was embarrassed, even though it was something as simple as a few grey hairs, and Diana had just smiled fondly at her.

In truth, Diana thought nothing much of it until Barbara was sleeping that night for once and Diana was left awake. It wasn’t so much an issue with Barbara’s hair going grey as it was a reminder to Diana that Barbara was human. 

Diana had lived a long, long time. Steve’s friends had become her own friends after he died, and she had been especially close to Etta, who had moved to the US with Diana. 

Diana had lived while Etta’s hair turned white as she aged. She had lived while Etta’s skin turned wrinkled as she grew older. 

She had lived while Etta had died.

After Etta died, Diana distanced herself from humanity. She had lived through each of her friend’s weddings, birthdays, and funerals. It hurt more than Diana ever could have imagined and, really, she never wanted to outlive another friend again. She was finished. She was alone.

Until she met Barbara. For some mysterious reason that Diana had never been able to figure out, Barbara broke her walls that she had built up and suddenly, Diana had a friend again.

After the dreamstone debacle, it seemed like no time at all before Diana had fallen in love with Barbara. 

And, still, Diana would live long after Barbara.

—

Barbara was no stranger to this fact. Neither of them brought it up until one night many years into their life together, when Barbara’s hair was mostly grey and she had deep smile lines and crow’s feet.

Diana held her where they stood on the balcony of their apartment, her arms wrapped around Barbara’s waist. Barbara had her head leaned back on Diana’s shoulder as she watched the sky. She was talking in that quick, rambling way that she did, telling Diana something about the stars as Diana listened with as much interest as she always did.

For a moment, Barbara had paused in her rambling. Diana didn’t think much of the silence, until Barbara gave a quiet, hoarse laugh. She gripped Diana’s arms where they rested at her waist and gave a gentle squeeze.

“I’m old,” Barbara told Diana with a soft voice.

Diana was taken aback by the statement, her hold loosening on Barbara as she stepped back and asked, “What?”

Barbara turned around to look at Diana as she crossed her arms and repeated, “I’m old. I’m...Diana, you quit working at the Smithsonian years ago because it was getting suspicious that you just—you just...You don’t age. You don’t change. It’s been that long that people started getting suspicious.”

They had never truly talked about it in depth. Diana had told Barbara she was going to look for a new job because of it and, despite the surprise Barbara had, all she had commented on the matter was how she was going to miss seeing Diana at work everyday.

“I’m going to die,” Barbara said, her voice sharp in a way that meant she hadn’t really meant to say it but she did anyway. She was clearly taken aback by it herself, because her mouth hung open for a split second before she pursed her lips and looked away.

Diana froze when she said it. 

“You don’t age,” Barbara went on, her voice shaky, “you look...I mean, you look the same as when I met you. And you’ve been here since World War 1. But I do age, and…I have aged. And soon enough I’m going to die, and…”

Barbara uncrossed her arms to fidget with the hem of her sweater.

“I’m going to die and I feel like I’m leaving you all alone,” Barbara admitted.

That surprised Diana even more than the beginning of the conversation had. While her throat felt horribly dry and she felt nearly ill at the conversation, it forced an attempt of a response from her as she said gently, “Barbara…”

Before Diana could continue, Barbara promptly gave a sharp, forced laugh and hurried to add, “And, I mean, that’s so stupid, since you’re literally a superhero and we have friends and you obviously have time to make more friends since you live forever and all, but I just…I feel like I’m abandoning you, which is stupid. And, I—”

“Barbara,” Diana said firmly, cutting her off as she took a step forward and grabbed both of Barbara’s hands in her own. 

Barbara looked up at her, her cheeks red with her embarrassment.

For a beat, they were both quiet as Diana held her hands and tried to recover enough from her initial shock to be able to properly speak.

“Barbara,” Diana repeated, feeling very much like a broken record, as she squeezed Barbara’s hands gently and bared the truth to her, “Here and now, nothing scares me more than you dying. I...I have seen so many people die. I’ve lived through many people’s deaths in many different ways. My aunt, for one.”

“Antiope,” Barbara said without much thought, remembering the stories Diana had fondly told her of her time on Themyscira.

“Yes,” Diana told her, “and my friend, Etta, and all of my friends from long ago. And...”

Diana hesitated.

“And Steve,” Barbara finished for her, voice quiet.

Diana nodded and said just as quietly, “And Steve. I loved him very much.” 

Barbara looked at Diana with a sad smile.

“And I love you very much, Barbara,” Diana continued, her eyes burning as she let go of Barbara’s hold to instead cup Barbara’s face in her hands, “So, so much. I did not get to have time with Steve, not really. Something I have always been grateful for is that I have gotten to have time with you, even if it is not as much as I wish we could have.”

Steve was Diana’s first love and she would always love him. But their time had been unbearably short.

Diana had gotten to have so much time with Barbara. Nearly an entire lifetime of coming home to see Barbara and getting to know Barbara and loving Barbara and just Barbara.

Somehow that made it hurt more than Steve.

“I don’t want you to die,” Diana told Barbara, her voice raspy as she felt a tear slide down her cheek, “I wish I could have all the time in the world with you. I wish you could stay with me. But I’m so happy I had this time with you, Barbara.”

A selfish part of Diana wished Barbara had remained as Cheetah, in the false hope that maybe she would have gained Diana’s immortality on top of everything.

“You are not leaving me all alone, alright?” Diana assured her, her voice shaky, “I’ll always love you. That’s all I need.”

Barbara’s face and eyes were red, now, as Diana wiped away her tears.

—

Diana had felt pain many times in her life. So much so that some days she hadn’t known if she could handle the role she had been given as humanity’s protector. She felt it again some years after that conversation on the balcony.

There were days where she was furious at everyone. She was mad at her mother for not telling her the truth before she went to the world of man. She was mad at Steve for dying. 

Most days she felt alone. Sadness creeped into her when she sat alone at the dinner table at night and she felt ill when she laid in bed at night, alone. Her hands shook when she took Barbara’s pictures off of the walls for a month because she couldn’t keep looking at them. She hid Barbara’s glasses in the back of a drawer when she couldn’t stand seeing them sitting on the nightstand anymore.

She missed eating dinner with Barbara and waking up to Barbara being wide awake reading in the middle of the night with her glasses crooked on her nose.

She missed Barbara’s rambling and her sheepish smile when she got nervous. 

She just missed Barbara.

Steve’s death had been excruciating, but she had gotten so used to having Barbara around for so many years that this was an entirely different kind of pain than she had felt when Steve died. Her entire body was an open wound. Raw, aching, agonizing, and unrelenting in causing Diana pain.

Eventually, her suffering dissipated into a manageable ache. What was once an open wound healed into a scar, hurting far less but still a reminder of what she had lost. Who she had lost. As time passed, Diana could think about Barbara with a fond smile in place of tears at the mere thought of her.. Like with Steve, it never went away. It simply got easier.

Diana moved away from DC soon after. She had been there for far too long.

In her new apartment, she hung up Barbara’s photos next to Steve’s.

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this at 6 am after not sleeping all night while i cried to peace by taylor swift good old “would it be enough if i could never give you peace”
> 
> ANYWAY let me know what you think !! and thank you to @ crisischaos for being the beta for this ily queen
> 
> yell at me on tumblr @ rawrbaraminerva 
> 
> mwah! 😼


End file.
